


Difference Between

by chibixkadaj



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Based on a Fall Out Boy Song, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fall Out Boy Lyrics, M/M, Songfic, mentions of johnten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 09:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16678630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibixkadaj/pseuds/chibixkadaj
Summary: Jaehyun doesn't know when his life took such a turn but falling into Taeyong's lap might've been the start.Alternatively, "You know I only wanted fun and you got me all fucked up on love."Inspired by: Fall Out Boy - Where did the party go?





	Difference Between

They sat together and stared out into the watercolor splatter of leaves covering the park. Yuta’s head rested on Jaehyun’s shoulder, so he tried hard not to tremble at the words that float between them, though he’s sure Yuta can still feel them. _“I’m moving back home.”_

“Why?” Jaehyun asked quietly, voice stilted but trying oh so desperately not to break. He wasn’t like this. He was cool and strong and a 100% certified Bro. He wasn’t like this. He didn’t break. And Yuta had fit so well with him because he humored Jaehyun’s want for nonchalance, and the way he, despite being the baby of their friend group and two years younger, thrived on playing ‘hyung.’ Well okay, Yuta didn’t go that far. But he was comfortable treating Jaehyun as if they were the same year and that had always resonated with him well. But now, child that he was, he could feel all those pesky little feelings like sadness creep beneath his skin and crawl up to his eyes. Yuta was going to leave him...But… “Why?” He repeated.

“I miss my family,” Yuta said with a sigh. “And there’s this soccer scholarship I have a chance for. I just want to try.” He sounded so steadfast despite the way it would derail so many things. Yuta was a rising senior, and moving school would set him back at least a year or two. He’d spent so much of his youth in Korea, too, chasing a variety dreams from idol to coffee shop owner. Was it really worth giving all that up-- no, Jaehyun knew there was really only one question on his mind: Was it really worth giving Jaehyun up?

“Then I guess... I guess I’ll just see you when you’re around?”

It was Yuta’s turn to still. “What?”

Jaehyun shifted, pulling his shoulder back from under the weight of Yuta’s head. The older boy straightened and blinked. “That’s what this is right? You’re breaking up with me.” In the cool fall air under the blanket of a rainbow sherbert sunset.

Yuta paused. “If...that’s what you want it to be.”

Jaehyun nodded because he couldn’t fathom it as anything else.

“Then yeah...I guess I’ll just see you when I’m around.”

x

Thank God for Johnny. Thank God that somehow, despite being two of the most popular people at their university, Johnny and Yuta’s circles had never really overlapped directly--save Jaehyun. And thank God that Johnny had a penchant for parties that some American comedy films couldn’t rival. His apartment was packed to the brim with bodies when Jaehyun slipped in yet it was easy to find his friend who never seemed to leave his turntables despite being host.

“What a crowd,” Jaehyun called loudly, slipping on a grin that nearly masked the hour of crying he’d done every afternoon since the breakup.

“You made it!” Johnny shouted back while he adjusted his earphones over his neck. He offered a fist to Jaehyun who bumped it no problem. “Drinks are in the kitchen. Dancing out here on the floor. Bedroom is off limits to everyone but you,” Johnny winked. Then he leaned forward, voice dropping a touch when he added, “I didn’t think it’d be an issue but Taeil says for sure that Yuta shouldn’t be stopping by. He was talking to Yuta’s roommate earlier and he seems kinda busy.”

Jaehyun swallowed then plastered the prettiest, dimpled grin he could manage. “Thanks man. I appreciate you always looking out for me.”

Johnny flashed a grin and a thumbs up before securing the headphones back over his ears and returning to his spinning. A double major in broadcasting and music, Johnny the DJ was a force to be reckoned with. Jaehyun would arguably choose him over every mainstream DJ out there and was ready to indulge in his spinning for the rest of the night. He just needed some drinks first.

After pouring himself his third glass of beer for his second soju bomb, Jaehyun finally felt ready to take his place near the dance floor. He stepped carefully; not drunk but not exactly sober either and he didn’t want to waste what was in his hands. For a party packed with people, Jaehyun’s favorite seat miraculously seemed to me open. On the nights when he and Johnny would study late together the dark blue couch became all his but tonight it boasted one other inhabitant-- a small boy with a sharp jaw and somehow sharper eyes, cradling what Jaehyun could only assume to be a cocktail between his long fingers. He knew him, well knew of him because everyone did. Lee Taeyong. He had a bit of a bad reputation. Something about cutting classes that eventually morphed into hanging around the wrong crowd, swindling students and beating people up. Jaehyun had never seen the guy before, though he was in Yuta and Johnny’s grade, so he had no reason to assume anything. But words are powerful, so eventually he figured he had no reason to not assume as well.

Taeyong must have caught him staring because he glanced over with his eyes and raised the brow closest to where Jaehyun’s eyes bore into his skin. Jaehyun blushed and panicked, swinging his attention back to his DJ friend and nearly capsizing his drink in the process.

Taeyong chuckled.

Someone pulled Jaehyun up for a dance by his fourth and a half drink and he spun and grinded gracelessly against a number of bodies before falling back onto the couch. And onto Taeyong. “Sorry!” Jaehyun exclaimed, but the older male was warm and comfortable, despite being a little boney, and Jaehyun couldn’t find it in himself to move just yet.

So Taeyong shifted just to make himself and the other more comfortable, urging Jaehyun up all the way onto the couch until his most of weight was slumped against Taeyong’s chest and his head rested on his shoulder.

“You sure you want to stay like this?” Taeyong asked, taking a slow sip of the drink he’d been nursing since Jaehyun sat down in the first place. “People are starting to stare. Your reputation could be on the line.”

“Don’t care,” Jaehyun whined and nuzzled closer. “This is nice…”

Taeyong shrugged his unclaimed shoulder. “Your call.”

Jaehyun doesn’t move much after that. He even beckoned another friend over to get him more drinks. “And top ‘im up too,” he slurred, pointing to Taeyong’s now empty glass. Taeyong pressed his lips into a smile and gave his drink order, thanking the now second stranger to interact with him that night. When both were in their hands, Jaehyun downed the new one no problem and snuggled closer. Taeyong eventually peered over his cup and caught Johnny’s eye just as the host mouthed “You okay?” and Taeyong nodded. “No problem at all.”

Eventually, just as the first beams of sunlight started to push through Johnny’s dark blue curtains, the party cleared out, leaving only the host and his close friends from the music department Taeil and Hansol, along with Taeyong still trapped to the couch by a decidedly drunk Jaehyun. He pressed a palm against Jaehyun’s shoulders and shook him gently. “Hey, wake up. Time to go home.”

“No,” Jaehyun mumbled, dragging drool across Taeyong’s shoulder as he turned to bury his face. “I don’t wanna.”

“You sound like a child,” Taeyong chuckled again. He’d been doing a lot of that tonight. “Come on. I’ll _bring_ you home, how does that sound.”

“No!” A little more forcefully this time. “Can’t…Can’t.”

“Why?”

“Too much of him still lives in that apartment… Can’t do it anymore.” Jaehyun’s lips brushed against Taeyong’s neck then (and he shivered), before he pulled back with puppy dog eyes. “Let me go back with you.”

A brow rose. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Jae.”

“Okay, Jae.” Taeyong stood, pulling the much taller, much heavier man up into his arms after. “Let’s go home.”

x

Jaehyun’s head was throbbing when he woke up at the crack of one in the afternoon. He groaned loudly, clutching his fingers tightly in his light brown hair, trying to take some steadying breaths. It didn’t feel right. Not the hangover...he, unfortunately, was no stranger to those after Johnny’s parties and especially not recently. But this pillow was much softer than he own, and the scent of lilacs and lavender surround him from bed sheet to blanket. He drew it in with a deep inhale then tried not to let the panic kick in. He sat up too quickly and nearly threw up on the spot. There was a small waste bin by the bed he was in with a fresh bag telling him this might not have been the first time in the last 12 hours they he wanted to throw up.

When he took in the room around him he couldn’t help but note how immaculate the place looked. Not a single book was out of place, no clothes to be seen. Jaehyun was in a shirt a size too small for him and shorts that belonged to a high school he never went to. He tried to look for any signs of anything that might indicate he had...sex...but it’s all too clean to tell. A knock shook the door and Taeyong stepped in wearing nothing but sweatpants hung low on his hips and the same set of accessories he’d had on last night. Now Jaehyun’s convinced they--

“We didn’t have sex,” Taeyong corrected like some sort of strange mind reader. “Don’t worry. You just threw up all over yourself in my kitchen so I washed your clothes and gave you some of mine so you wouldn’t die from the cold. I’m caring.” But he didn’t crack a smile. “Also good morning.”

Jaehyun didn’t get the vibe like Taeyong was annoyed. He just looked...tired. He couldn’t dwell on it longer before Taeyong continued, “I have some lunch ready if you want it.”

Jaehyun stalked out of the room after the older male, taking a seat in front of a full spread of fish and vegetable soup and rice. “You drank a lot so...hopefully this can help a bit.”

“How are you so okay?” Jaehyun groaned, trying to shield himself from the bright sunlight under the guise of rubbing some extra sleep out of his eyes.

“Not going to greet me? Or even say thank you?”

“Good morning…” Jaehyun mumbled, finally noting it was already afternoon. “Thank you. How’re you so okay?”

“My drink was sprite and grenadine,” Taeyong laughed.

“What?! The _whole_ night?”

“Yeah, Jae.  The whole night.”

“How?” Less ‘how did you get through that party without alcohol’ and more ‘how did you put up with my annoying ass that whole time?’

“I don’t really like drinking. I’m a lightweight and I don’t really like losing my inhibitions. Plus I smoke like a bitch so I think I have my vices covered.”

“Smoking, really? I never would’ve guessed Taeyong-ssi.”

Taeyong chuckled.

“What?”

“I never told you my name.”

“O-oh… Sorry. I...I mean… everyone knows you so… Well, I don’t _know_ you but I know off you.”

A hand raised between them, Jaehyun’s tirade stopping in its tracks, Taeyong taking the moment of silence to sip on his cup of black milk tea. “I get it.”  

“So…” Jaehyun took a few sips from his soup and tried to push past his previous rudeness. “How did you end up at that party?

“I’m Johnny’s friend.”

“How do you know him?”

“We fuck sometimes,” Taeyong said with a shrug, setting aside his tea in order to pile some more rice into a hungover Jaehyun’s bowl. Jaehyun looks taken aback.

“But he’s basically married to Ten?” His best friend, a cheater? Never!

“I know. Ten and I sometimes fuck too.”

“Oh…” Jaehyun’s eyes trailed away with his voice, back down to the food in front of him. He started to poke at it awkwardly. Monogamous until the day he died, Jaehyun couldn’t quite understand being so open like that with one’s relationship. The thought, _no wonder he has the reputation he does_ , crept into his head but he shook it away aggressively. This was also the boy who took him, a perfect stranger, in and cooked him breakfast.

“I get that you’re trying but awkward tension isn’t my thing,” Taeyong remarked after a moment, nearly prompting Jaehyun to choke despite (or maybe because of) his soft smile. “No offense to you. I get it. My reputation precedes me. I’m just gonna go out for a smoke so you can finish eating in peace.” He stood, rummaging through the bomber jacket he’d been wearing last night now draped behind his chair to fish out a carton and his lighter. “Bathroom is that door to your right. Your clothes are drying on the rack outside. And if you want to go you’re not obligated to say anything to me.”

He slipped out onto small balcony but Jaehyun could still see him clearly. The apartment was not large and the space was almost directly in front of where he sat in the kitchen. Yet somehow it felt like they were in two separate worlds again. Maybe it was the way Taeyong’s bare back bent over the railing and relaxed, as if Jaehyun wasn’t around at all; as if he didn’t just essentially insult him. Taeyong seemed carefree from what Jaehyun could gather. All these rumors around him and still here he was, feeding heartbroken boys and doing their laundry, going out to smoke because he hated awkward tension. Jaehyun knew so many people who would laugh their way through the moment and try to prod for more soothing responses. Who couldn’t dare take hits the way Taeyong constantly seemed to assume on the regular. Jaehyun rather respected Taeyong’s trueness to himself. It reminded him of someone. (Reminded him of Yuta.)

He was careful when he pulled the sliding door back in hopes of not startling Taeyong as he joined him outside. “Pretty view,” he commented, awkwardly again,  looking out at the specs of trees and flowers across what was otherwise exclusively pavement. Taeyong laughed.

“You could say that.” He shifted to hold his carton of cigarettes out to Jaehyun. “You smoke?”

“Oh, no. Not me.”  

“Sure thing.”

Taeyong’s position returned to the same gentle arch as he looked out into nothingness, a small plume of smoke curling out from his lips. He slipped the pack back into his sweatpant pockets so that was where Jaehyun’s eyes had moved to--down the curve of his spine to his ass. He swallowed. Johnny and Ten both, huh? Made sense.

“I told Johnny you’re okay and with me, I hope you don’t mind.” Taeyong cut into the silence, drawing his cigarette from his lips to put out against a dark washcloth on the railing.

“Oh thanks,” Jaehyun blinked a few times, then with his head tilted asked, “Why would I mind?”

When Taeyong turned to face him more properly Jaehyung couldn’t help but notice how the afternoon sun shone off his ash blond hair and cast shadows highlighting the sharpness of his nose and jaw. And when he rested his elbow against the railing his skin pulled taught enough over his right ribs that Jaehyun could outright count them. It concerned him--did Taeyong take care of himself? Eat well enough? All sorts of questions that shouldn’t plague him over a person he’d just met. He cleared his throat because Taeyong’s raised brow was bringing his attention back. He asked again, “Why would I mind?”

“Most people don’t want to be caught around me. Let alone brought home with me. Don’t want to dirty your name.”

That wasn’t the case for Jaehyun. He could care less about what people thought about him--though his track record was flawless, thank you very much--and their mutual friend was one of the kindest souls on this planet. Even if he cared, Johnny knowing would do no harm. So instead he asked, “You’re...really hung up on what people think about you, aren’t you?”

Taeyong laughed and turned away. “You think so?”

“You haven’t stopped mentioning it since I woke up,” Jaehyun leaned forward now, too, folding his arms over the railing and resting his weight on his elbows. “Does it really get to you that much?”

For all the quick wit that Jaehyun’s experienced from the other up until now, Taeyong had somehow been stilled into silence. He licked over his lips once, then twice, and looked at the flowerbed beneath them as if trying to count exactly how many petals had fallen due to budding autumn chill.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jaehyun added softly after a moment. “I know I’m being nosy.”

“You’re right,” Taeyong shrugged casually, but his tone held all sorts of shame and embarrassment at admitting it. “It does. I used to try pretty hard to change their minds about me but it never worked. You beat up one guy trying to protect your little brother and because he has a lot of money and even more clout get branded as a thug. I don’t like most people to begin with anyway which puts them off. I don’t know. I can’t win and it sucks.”

“You’re a senior though, right? Why not lie low until you graduate?”

“Is everything in your life so easy Jae?” Taeyong let out a rather bitter sounding laugh. “Lie low, get involved, it doesn’t matter. The other students don’t like me. They’ll make sure everyone knows it. That’s just how it works here apparently.”

The look he received from Taeyong after told him not to protest. Jaehyun’s a problem solver. Probably one of his most annoying traits, to be quite honest. He always liked to look for immediate solutions. But Taeyong’s strong gaze stopped him in his tracks and he took the hint not to push further. Instead he replied, “I’m sorry. That sounds...awful. I don’t know what I’d do in your place.”

Taeyong’s lips turned up into a quirked, turtle like smile. “Guess it’s good you don’t have to, huh?” He straightened his back, stretched his arms over his head, then slid the door to his kitchen back open, mentioning “Your clothes are out here so bring them in, okay?” before stepping inside.

x

A week’s worth of thoughts brought Jaehyun back to this unfamiliar doorstep. A week of diamond cut jaw, sharp eyes, and waxing poetry shrouded in cigarette smoke. Even when Jaehyun shook his head out he couldn’t lose the memories Taeyong had imprinted onto him despite so few hours shared together. Was he this desperate? The answer was a resounding yes.

“So...what are you doing here?” Taeyong asked, blinking down to Jaehyun (a rare time he would be taller than him) before he stepped aside to let him in. “Johnny said you left something but I couldn’t find any of your things here.”

“I, uh…” Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. His eyes stayed on his shoes while he pulled them from his heels and off his feet. “That may have been a little white lie.”

“Oh?” Taeyong’s arms folded across his chest. He’d kicked the door closed already and took the opportunity to lean against it for a better view of Jaehyun fumbling his way to comfort in Taeyong’s apartment. “Jung Jaehyun lied to his best friend in order to see me? Lee Taeyong? That doesn’t feel right.”

The blush that crept over Jaehyun’s cheeks and down his neck was so brightly pink that no matter how desperately he wanted to hide it he couldn’t. “Yeah…” He confirmed, shifting awkwardly under the mirthful pierce of Taeyong’s gaze. “That’s exactly what happened.”

Taeyong chuckled, “Cute.”

“I’m not very exciting,” Taeyong hummed in his bedroom. He’d been organizing his bookshelf before Jaehyun interrupted and perched himself on the floor at Taeyong’s bed. He’d tried to sit on the bed but was promptly shooed off with the words “no day clothes allowed.” Now he just watched the ways Taeyong’s shirt rode up his smooth sides while he tried to reach higher than he could without the aid of his tiptoes. He’d seen the boy walk around shirtless and yet found himself more...taken with the slightest peak of skin. And no matter his best efforts to swallow those thoughts down, Jaehyun couldn’t will them all away. The blush on his cheeks said that much.

Taeyong also had an impressive manga collection, he noted when he stood to use his lateral advantage to help. So many of Yuta’s favorites. He finished the job quickly so he wouldn’t have to think of it anymore.  

“Thanks,” though Taeyong didn’t look all that grateful. Or rather, he just couldn’t shake the skepticism etched into his brows and on the corner of his lips. When he moved them to the kitchen table and placed cherry cola in glasses before them both, sitting down with his elbows propped up on the table, he finally relented to his curiosity and asked, “Why are you here Jae?”

Jaehyun shouldn’t have been as taken aback as he felt. The question was warranted. But it wasn’t that...it was Taeyong’s directness; how steadfast he was in his thoughts and his actions. Everything Jaehyun had never been. It was exactly why he was here. “I don’t know,” he said between sips of his drink, “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you?”

“Hm?” Taeyong shifted his weight closer, leaned in until his chest was well over the mouth of his cup. “What about me?”

 _All of this_. Jaehyun blushed deep pink, letting out a flustered “Uh…” He licked over his lips. “Your eyes are really pretty. Like prettier than I think anyone gives you credit for.”

“Credit? Have you heard a lot about my eyes?”

“N-no it’s not like _that_ I just--”

Taeyong’s burst of laughter was loud enough to shake the table between them. “Jung Jaehyun you are much more eloquent on air than you are in person. Maybe you should stick to that.”

Caught between ‘fuck, he called me out’ and ‘you listen to my radio show?’ Jaehyun somehow sputtered out, “then let my body talk instead.” The space between them closed, lips a handful of centimeters apart. Taeyong could maybe count them on his fingers.

“Yeah?” he let out a breath, eyes flitting up to gaze between his eyelashes.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun mirrored, his heart pounding in anticipation.

“Go ahead Jae. You can kiss me.”

What had felt like an eternity was truly no time at all. Two and a half weeks since the breakup. A week since Johnny’s party. No conversations had happened in between. No passing glances in the halls of their university. And yet Jaehyun had no problem with the way his body rose into the press of lips against lips. He nearly toppled the table over when his hands latched onto Taeyong’s jaw. But Taeyong wasn’t protesting. In fact noting how his nails bit into Jaehyun’s wrist tipped him off that he’d played all the right cards. _Stay_ , the slide of Taeyong’s tongue said.

 _Of course,_ Jaehyun’s body obliged.

Jaehyun knew as he moved over Taeyong’s body that he was not Yuta, and couldn’t be expected to be Yuta. His thighs weren’t as muscular. His shoulders were too broad. Where Yuta was solid and firm Taeyong was lithe and delicate. But Jaehyun didn’t come here looking for Yuta--actually anything but. And it was Taeyong’s breathy, loud gasps that drew him back to the moment; into pretty dark eyes that the world probably didn’t give him credit for.

“You’ll come back again...yeah?” There was a pause Jaehyun wasn’t used to coming from Taeyong (in the no time he’d known him). The older fidgeted a little, tugging the collar of his shirt back into place after Jaehyun had nearly ripped it open from his body to leave hickies on his neck. Like this, pinned between Jaehyun’s body and his own kitchen wall, well, Taeyong looked so small. But his presence, the energy that exuded with each heavy rise and fall of his chest, the dark lust lingering in those eyes, made up the difference. Jaehyun was truly...enthralled. He leaned in to kiss him again, letting their lips slide almost innocently together. Chaste and sweet and like he didn’t have fire in his belly just twenty minutes ago. He freed him eventually, but only after whispering a rough “yeah” against the shell of the other’s ear.

Their love unfolded in the walls of their apartments. Between locked doors and soft pillows Jaehyun would take Taeyong into his arms and they’d have their ways with one another. Taeyong tasted sweet-- sweeter than any dessert Jaehyun had consumed, and though those were few and far between he knew a treat when he had one. Grenadine kisses peppered his cheeks and when their tongues slide together it popped like carbonation. He’s become addicted to the cherry and soda flavored candies that washed Taeyong’s taste nearly free from cigarette smoke (as well as the lingering hint of burning he could still taste when his tongue searched out the deepest corner of his mouth).

And Taeyong’s body--Oh dear Lord--was like magic beneath his fingertips, eliciting sparks with each touch. Taeyong could moan like like magic. _“Actually, I moan like a bitch,”_ he corrected on their second night of heated kisses and hand jobs. _“Perks of living alone?”_ Jaehyun wasn’t complaining either way.

He arrived in full force, shoes off because Taeyong is very peculiar about the tidiness of his apartment, but other than that 10 second set back he was ready with force of his body, pinning Taeyong against the cool glass of sliding balcony door. One hand gathered Taeyong’s wrists above his head, the other slipping under the thin fabric of his navy and white striped shirt.

“You’re not wasting time, huh?” He gasped, grinning, between hot kisses.

“Not a chance,” Jaehyun all but growled back. It brought Taeyong’s brow up. Feisty. But it wouldn’t last long because Jaehyun was a timid and gentle lover when it came down to it; when he had his fill of utter dominance, of making Taeyong gasp from a knee shoved and grinding between his thighs and a hand playing recklessly with his nipples, and was more focused on ways to carry Taeyong to his bedroom while kissing him.

Taeyong fell to the bed with a gently thud and outright giggled when Jaehyun immediately climbed over him. They kissed again, and then a few extra times for good measure before Jaehyun’s tongue is dragging slowly down the edge of Taeyong’s jaw to the sensitive spots at the top of his neck.

Taeyong didn’t have much alcohol tolerance. He also can’t go five second into foreplay without squirming. His hands grasped to the sleeves of Jaehyun’s dark green sweater, nails biting into the small holes of the knit. “J-Jae,” he panted, eliciting a chuckle.

“All I’ve done is lick you.”

“Not true,” Taeyong whined, grinding down on the knee between his own legs.

Jaehyun smirked, “Okay, I guess I’ve done that too.” And he pressed it upward again just to make Taeyong moan.

Taeyong body was sinuous and sinful-- lithe and smooth with skin Jaehyun wanted to drink in all day. Taeyong turned red easily too. He’d blush at even a hint of compliment. Even better, he’d bruise at just the slightest nip of teeth. Jaehyun revelled in the constellations of marks he could splatter over Taeyong’s sun kissed skin; every day finding new places that would make the older male go wild. Always planting one just a little too high up to be covered by anything appropriate for this early fall’s lingering heat.

Taeyong had resolve. He’d whine like none other but he could test the lengths of Jaehyun’s patience with how much stimulation he could withstand. He’d never really beg, no matter how much the younger wanted him to. And when he _did_ it was only because he knew Jaehyun was just a whisper of “More, harder...Jaehyunnie please” before he’d come undone.  

Tonight, Jaehyun planted himself firmly between Taeyong’s thighs and had spent the better part of five minutes sucking himself into his skin. “Fuck...Fuck…” Taeyong’s fingers latched tight into Jaehyun’s hair, back aching off of the mattress. He had thrown his legs over the other’s shoulders and was starting to realize his mistake when he had no support for how his muscles trembled at the mercy of Jaehyun’s teeth. Glamorous was no a word Taeyong would use to describe himself, tangled up in Jaehyun’s everything. Even worse, he still hadn’t given any attention to his cock, erect and wanting between them.

“Jaehyun…”

“Hm?” The vibrations of his hum traveled in waves up Taeyong’s spine.

“Jaehyun, please… It’s too much.”

“Too much of what?”

Taeyong could feel the smirk unfold over his skin. “F-fuck…” He wasn’t ready to cum like this, not when he’d spent the week with bold visions of riding Jaehyun until his eyes slipped shut and his fell back against the banister of his bed, bucking up into Taeyong wildly until they both screamed a release. His ankles unlatched from their cross behind Jaehyun’s head, the sole of his left foot finding a place on his shoulder to finally push his back with a loud _pop_. Jaehyun, shocked, hadn’t been very mindful of his teeth and left burning red, bleeding marks on the area he was worshipping. “S-sorry! Let me get--”

But Taeyong had no time for first aid. He’d bleed all over his sheets if he had to (not that the wound was that deep). Right now he had one goal: Jaehyun.

Taeyong’s fingers found purchase in the collar of Jaehyun’s sweater and he pushed him back against the wall with a firm kiss. Between the two of them only Jaehyun was fully clothed and Taeyong was no longer having that. “Take your pants off,” he breathed out, tongue rimming the shell of his ear. Jaehyun removed them instantly. They’d played this game before-- a back and forth in dominance. You say one thing, I’ll say the next. Jaehyun’s turn, “Play with yourself.” So then Taeyong added, “Get my fingers wet first.”

Jaehyun took long licks over the hand in front of him. From base to tip, he dragged his tongue slowly, dark eyes never leaving Taeyong’s, until it felt sufficient enough for Taeyong to reach behind him and finger himself open. His knees shook under his weight, Jaehyun’s hips bracketed between them, and the younger smoothing his hands up Taeyong’s sides and playing with his nipples did nothing for his stability. “Okay...Okay...Okay…” Taeyong panted. “Please, I’m ready.”

“Nu uh,” Jaehyun shook his head. “It’s still my turn.”

Expressive eyes pleaded with the lust filled ones before him and Taeyong’s lips formed into a pout too cute for words and far cuter than what fit this moment. “Come here,” he whispered, so Taeyong conceded, crawling further into Jaehyun’s lap. He draped his arms over his shoulders, weight shifting to his knees when warm hands clasped around his hips. Then Jaehyun kissed him, let their lips move slow and languid over one another’s. One of his hands dropped away to push his boxers down and pump himself to a full erection. A few strokes, a few gasps into Taeyong’s mouth. They were half dressed and sticky with sweat, Taeyong scented with lavender and cigarette smoke, Jaehyun of pinewood. “Ready?” The younger male asked gently, dimples poking into his cheeks. Whenever he smiled so sweetly Taeyong somehow always forgot they were here only for fun; he forgot that even before they met at Johnny’s officially, Jaehyun had collected his heart. Fucked and fucked up on love, Taeyong nodded. “Yeah.”

His hips sank without hurry, inch by inch until he’d taken Jaehyun in fully. Here he adjusted, tightened his hold around the other’s neck, let Jaehyun lean in to kiss him again, until they were ready to move. Despite how needy he felt, Jaehyun moved carefully. He gripped Taeyong’s hips tight enough to bruise but rolled his own upward at a mindful pace-- focused enough to ensure he’d pressed into all of Taeyong’s right spots but that he did it in a way that would never bring pain. They were...reckless. They’d never touched a condom and every time Taeyong would say, “Don’t worry about lube I’ll get it next time,” but he’d always forget. And it slipped Jaehyun’s mind as well; so he’d compensate now, as he always did.

Taeyong’s eyes rolled to a close, forehead falling against Jaehyun’s while he absolutely bounced in his lap. Sounds of skin against skin filled the air around them, Taeyong’s moans being all that cut through because he really was _loud_. “Jae...Jaehyunnie…”

“Do it, Taeyong…”

“Wait but…Nnn…” Taeyong shuddered, interrupted by a particularly hard thrust. “N-not yet…”

Jaehyun chuckled breathlessly. “Together then?”

Taeyong’s whimpered ‘yes’ was all he needed. Jaehyun’s arms wrapped tighter around Taeyong, shifting them with an impressive show of strength (muscles flexed and everything) until he was over Taeyong and primed to pound into him recklessly. It was good. Taeyong’s loud cries of Jaehyun’s name told him that. And Taeyong’s nails dragging down his arms urged him further until finally he, with one more good snap of his hips, stilled with the force of his release. Taeyong followed right after, shivering hard from his own orgasm and covering them both. “Ah…” He gasped, chest heaving as his fingers oh so delicately played with the fabric of Jaehyun’s dirtied shirt. “I’ll do laundry…”

“That’s all you’ve got to say?” The younger chuckled, hips still trembling inside of Taeyong.

“Sorry,” Taeyong grinned-- actually, he glowed in the aftermath of his climax. His eyes shined brightly, lips quirked upward in such a feline-esque smile. Jaehyun had long convinced himself that in a past life Taeyong must have been some sort of cat. And all Jaehyun could think to do was kiss him. But then after he added, “No sorries.”

They had this ritual for after: Jaehyun would go get them both water and a cloth to clean up, using his last turn of command to keep Taeyong in place. Then after a long session of cuddling, just before Jaehyun fell asleep, Taeyong would slip away and collect their clothes, toss them into his washing machine and take his opportunity while on the balcony for a cigarette. Jaehyun would always join him eventually, bringing with him a blanket to fight off the cold night air. He’d wrap it around them both, resting his arms around Taeyong’s shoulders and his head on Taeyong’s own, mimicking the arch bent into his back as he leaned on the railing. And they’d stay silent, counting the fallen petals against grey concrete while Taeyong breathed smoke and Jaehyun matched it with puffs of his own hot exhales; just until the older finally broke composure and giggled. It’d end with Taeyong popping a piece of candy between him lips, flame extinguished on the wash cloth, and turning around for blanketed hug and a welcomed kiss. “Let’s go inside, hm?”

“Yeah. Let’s.”

x

One night, post ritual of fucking then cuddling then smoking, Jaehyun lingered in the kitchen while Taeyong made food. They didn’t usually meet midweek but Jaehyun was having a decidedly bad night and couldn’t think of where else to go--or where else he’d rather be, to be honest. He should’ve spoken before they made a mess of Taeyong’s bed and he felt kind of guilty that he let his body get the better of him. It was all his fault; Taeyong just looked too good today in his ripped jeans and striped sweater just a inch too short that it looked intentionally cropped whenever he moved. He wasn’t wearing that sweater anymore so Jaehyun felt like he had a little more control over his own urges. That said, he was now wearing one of Jaehyun’s own hoodies, discarded accidentally from a previous night, and with the way it hung nearly to his knees and formed sweater paws over his hands...Jaehyun resolve was barely holding on by a thread.

“You didn’t have to cook for me,” he said for the nth time, accepting a bowl of stew with a gracious bow of his head.

“I know. But I was going to cook for myself anyway so it’s no problem at all.” Taeyong sat across from his with his own meal, bringing his palms together and up to his face before he started to eat.

“I didn’t think you were the religious type,” Jaehyun commented, mimicking the action mindlessly before starting to eat.

“I’m not. Just thankful to nature for everything delicious that I get to eat.”

And eat they did. Two bowls worth for Jaehyun, who promised to replenish Taeyong’s groceries when he came over next. “Whatever you want. So...” He nudged his empty bowl aside with the back of his hand and leaned forward a bit. “What brings you here to me on a Thursday, Jaehyun?”

“Ah it’s… I’m sorry,” his gaze dropped, head following because wow he really...was not nice tonight, was he? Taeyong didn’t deserve assuming his problems like he had done every day from the start of their relationship. And yet here he was, with the reason that “It’s my ex boyfriend’s birthday. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Taeyong let out a soft sound of understanding. His hand fell over Jaehyun’s and he urged his fingers apart so that theirs both could link. “You know, you’ve never told me what happened. Would you want to? Would that help you process what you’re feeling today?”

“Uhm...well… We… He, actually. He wanted to go back to Japan for a scholarship and for his family so we just ended it.”

“Yeah?” Taeyong tilted his head. “Did he not want to do long distance? If I’m prying too much you can tell me.”

“No. You’re fine,” Jaehyun had come here and done all these things with Taeyong before mentioning his ex, the least he could offer up now was answers. “We didn’t really bring it up actually. I just assumed once he said it that Japan won over me. Then we split. End of story.”

Taeyong paused for a long moment. His brows pinched and his thumb ran over Jaehyun’s skin gently but the younger couldn’t see any of it for sure because he couldn’t unglue his gaze from his own lap. Finally he said, “Huh…”

“Huh?”

“Huh,” Taeyong repeated. “Doesn’t sound like he wanted to break up with you.”

“What do you mean? He moved to a different country.”

“Right...but that doesn’t mean an automatic break up. I mean Johnny’s with Ten and Ten’s been in Thailand taking care of his grandmother for the entire school year. People can stay together even when they’re physically apart.”

Jaehyun started to feel distraught and Taeyong could feel it with the way his muscles tensed beneath his hands, so he hurried to the next thought. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries I just… you know...I can tell he still means a lot to you and I think that if you wanted to get back to him…” He paused to lick over his often nervously nibbled lips. “Misunderstandings can be amended quickly with the right words. So maybe it’s worth trying. Who knows, he could be feeling the same about you too right now.”  

The words settled over Jaehyun like a blanket of roses, petal soft and sweet smelling with Taeyong’s intent but thorned with the realization that Jaehyun had really, truly...maybe made a mistake. But when he looked back to Taeyong he simply smiled and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now. I have you in my life and that makes it all better.” Jaehyun shifted his hand palm up so he could hold Taeyong’s own. “Thank you for always being so understanding. I swear you know me well enough to write a book and with the way you word things, the way you can interpret the past and everything, I’d read it all in a heartbeat.”

“You flatter me Jung Jaehyun.”

“I’m only telling you the truth. And part of that truth is all about us and how happy you make me all the time. So make sure you write that in too,” He chuckled and leaned in and pressed his lips to Taeyong’s cheeks, repeating another soft, “Thank you.”

Taeyong’s head turned, capturing Jaehyun in a kiss. “Don’t mention it. Whatever you need, I’m here to help.”

“I know, baby,” Jaehyun kissed him once more, “I know.”

x

They didn’t go on many public dates. Despite Jaehyun’s insistence that his reputation would be fine, Taeyong couldn’t get over his anxiety long enough to last a whole outing. They also didn’t talk about it too much. Jaehyun considered his understanding and willingness to keep it indoors to be the best he could offer Taeyong. He was pleased that he got it, having never felt the same pangs of fear that gripped tight in Taeyong’s chest and sometimes sent him over an edge Jaehyun had never seen. What else was there to do? He’d never try to ‘fix’ Taeyong. But today Jaehyun had asked to meet at his favorite cafe and he was so excited, and sending so many extra emojis and hearts, that Taeyong had to oblige.

“What is it?” He asked with a shaky laugh, grateful for the hot chocolate Jaehyun already had ordered for him as thanks for their meeting. By the time he took his seat he had the drink in his hands.

“I have exciting news!”

“Yeah? You going to tell me what it is?”

“Johnny got offered this amazing program spot for a broadcasting agency in Japan.”

Taeyong nodded as a smile started settling over his lips. “Right, I know. He told me and it’s great.”

“And.”

“And?”

“He pitched out to have me as his partner since so much of his resume is our show. Taeyong, they said yes.”

“Y-yes?”

“Yes! Like, they’ll take me alongside Johnny for the program.”

“Wow Jaehyun that’s…” Taeyong felt his smile faltering and really focused on keeping it in place; or at the very least hiding it behind his drink. “That’s amazing. You’re going to take it right?”

“I want to,” Jaehyun beamed back, entirely unaware of the mood shifting around him. “I wanted to ask you if you’re okay with it. But...I would like to go if you’re okay with it. It’s such a great opportunity.”

“Jaehyun I would _never_ tell you to stay away from your dreams just to be with me. You know that,” Taeyong had his own goals. They mostly revolved around escapism, around getting his younger brother into a good place and then getting the fuck out. But they were dreams all the same. “You should take it.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course. When have I ever lied to you?”

Jaehyun’s hands fell over Taeyong’s and location he damned he pulled him up across the table and brought them together for a kiss. His excitement was uncontainable. Everything he could want--a good step to his dream job, moving abroad with his best friend, support from his boyfriend--was coming well into place. He’d never imagined life could be so perfect. “I learned this from you, you know,” he beamed proudly. “Love knows no distance. You taught me that placement doesn’t matter if we are what our hearts want.”

“Wow, Jaehyun. You sound like a real poet you know?”

Jaehyun’s shoulders shook eagerly, like a puppy wagging his tail from praise. “Maybe I picked that up from you too.”

A few nights later Taeyong sat in the corner of Johnny’s rented recording studio, chest pressed against the back of his chair, arms folded across the top. He buried his face into the dark space so he wouldn’t have to see his best friend’s face. “So you’re taking him to Japan?”

“I asked him to come, yeah.” A once in a lifetime opportunity and he’s been seriously considering broadcast as a career, of course Johnny would help him out. Taeyong buried himself deeper.

“I guess it’s over then.”

“Don’t be so morbid,” Johnny chided in a tone so gentle it was already melting the ice from Taeyong’s shoulders. “He’s only going to be gone for a few months.”

“No Johnny… It’s not the length. He’s going to go back to Yuta. He has to.”

“So we’ve gone from morbid to cryptic,” he tugged a chair over to his friend, setting it up back Okay, great seer Taeyong. Lay it on me. What’s the future got in store?”

“I don’t know what they were, I don’t really want to either… But Jaehyun broke them apart when he didn’t need to and I wouldn’t feel good with myself if I let that keep going. He thinks...Yuta leaving for Japan meant Yuta leaving him...if that’s the only factor, then logically going to Japan should mean going back to Yuta, right? It doesn’t _have_ to. But they’ll both be better off for it.”

“And what about you?” Taeyong’s chair swiveled around from the force of Johnny’s poke to his elbow; light but deliberate. His shoulders then deflated with defeat.

“What about me?”

“Did you tell him how you’ve been crushing on him since he joined NNN? How his voice has helped out you to sleep most of your college career?”

“You can’t just say things like that to someone who only wants to fuck you.”

“I only want to fuck you and you tell me these things all the time.” Johnny was cut off by the tirade of Taeyong’s fists pummeling him, albeit weakly, in retaliation. At least he’s finally popped up from his hiding space. “Some best friend I can’t believe you I--”

He laughed melodically, puffs of air at each hit while he pets Taeyong’s hair to settle him down. Then he said, “He should know that you love him.”

“...He does know that I love him.”

“He should know that you’re _in_ love with him,” Johnny corrected and Taeyong can’t fight back. He can’t find any quips or poetically protective rebuttals. He can only stare silently, eyes wide and gatewaying themselves into his glass-like soul. Fragile, breakable, to be handled with care.

“Hook, line, and sinker,” Johnny still chuckled, but it’s softer and much more...sad. “Taeyong I only say this because I care about you. If you want Jaehyun you should go get him.”

“But it’s not that easy, Johnny. I don’t know Yuta, but the way Jaehyun’s eyes shift when he talks about him? I’m not taking that away from either of them. It’s not my place, no matter how much or how long I’ve been in love with him.”

Johnny shook his head and sighed. “You’re too good, Taeyong. Too considerate. It’s going to be your downfall one day.

“No Johnny,” Taeyong corrected, grinning, body shaking with laughter at all the things he hurt to think about. “It already has been.”

Johnny took Taeyong out that night to his favorite bar with his favorite bartender who liked to flirt with him in exchange for free drinks. “It’ll make you feel better,” Johnny cooed, three beers in when he slid another sprite and grenadine over to Taeyong; this one half filled with vodka.

“You know I don’t drink.”

“Not normally but you can tonight. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

Taeyong sighed. Johnny wasn’t pressuring him, really. He knew that Taeyong _wanted_ to drink he just felt uncertain. Moral crisis as all that. “This will give you less cancer,” his dark haired friend eventually added with a nudge of his elbow, smiling both because he knew he’d cornered Taeyong but also because he really was just looking out for him. “Forget yourself,” he encouraged. “Just for tonight. Cigarettes won’t let you do that.” So Taeyong took the drink gingerly and sipped until the initial burn of alcohol was gone and he could down the rest like a shot. He waved the bartender over after, “Two more please.”

His balance wavered on Jaehyun’s doorstep. Knuckles poised to knock again if he needed-- if Jaehyun didn’t answer in the next few minutes. He’d sent him a text about coming over but his phone died before he could receive a reply. Taeyong just assumed, and hoped, that he hadn’t been doing anything tonight.

“Taeyong?” Jaehyun blinked, propping his apartment door open with his foot so he could collect Taeyong when he stumbled into his arms. “Are you okay?” He smelled alcohol. “Are you drunk?”

Face pressed against Jaehyun’s chest, taking in his always comforting and earthy scent, Taeyong started sobbing. “H-hey...Hey,” Jaehyun shuffled them both inside and managed to slip Taeyong’s shoes off with his foot before bringing him to the couch. The older collapsed against him, most of weight slumped against Jaehyun’s chest and his head resting on his shoulder. “Taeyong what’s wrong?”

They hadn’t spoken a lot this week. Not since Jaehyun had mentioned the scholarship and Taeyong approved his decision. It made sense considering all of Jaehyun’s preparations ensuring that his school credits would transfer properly and that he’d have secured housing accommodations. He had a lot to do in not a lot of time and they weren’t able to find space to slot into each other’s schedules. He hadn’t thought much of it. He didn’t realize Taeyong had been falling apart in the meantime. But despite his urging for some insight Taeyong just shook his head.

“I can’t...I can’t…” he repeated.

“Can’t what? What is it?”

“We can’t.”

Jaehyun blinked. What? We? “What about us…?” He stammered, the fingers he’d slipped into Taeyong’s ever growing hair slowing to a stop.

Taeyong shifted, drawing his knees to his chest, burying his face further into Jaehyun’s side. “Go back to him...To Yuta. You have to. You’re going to.” And that confession pulled him completely apart. Taeyong’s body shook hard with heavy sobs, fingers clenching to Jaehyun not because he didn’t want to let him go but because this was the last time he’d be able to find support. Like a wooden raft afloat in the ocean they were unsteady and about to capsize. Taeyong should probably jump first before it happened.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m going to miss you. I’m fucking in love with you Jaehyun and you’re going and I’m going to miss you.”

Jaehyun tried to unlatch Taeyong’s fingers and set him upright--see if maybe his eyes could give the answers his lips were sealing shut--but every time, Taeyong slipped from his hold and resettled at his side.

“I’ve loved you since you first joined Johnny on air.”

That was over a year and a half ago. It made Jaehyun pause again.

“There’s nothing more I can do to help you. There’s nothing more I can ask of you. You just...you’re going to go back.”

“Taeyong what can I do to convince you? I love you too. I--”

Taeyong hushed him in a tone harsher than anything Jaehyun had heard in their months together. “Just let me have this. Tonight. Let me just have my own problems tonight.” _I can’t solve yours anymore, I can’t give you answers anymore_ , Taeyong didn’t say but Jaehyun got the message loud and clear. Or rather, we both know what you need, we just haven’t admitted it together.

“You love him. You’re in love with him. I know. So just let me love you tonight… That’s all I want.”

Jaehyun let Taeyong steal a few long and lingering kisses but kept their clothes on otherwise, with the exception of changing Taeyong out of his jeans before bringing him to bed.

Taeyong’s head throbbed the next morning, done in by three drinks that were mostly sugar. All he craved was a cigarette. But when he pushed himself upright and noticed his lack of pants, and then a nearly naked Jaehyun next to him, a cigarette, he realized, was probably the last thing he needed. That said, he could probably make his way through a whole pack with how his stress levels shot through the roof.

He tried to slip away but Jaehyun’s hand caught his wrist. “Relax…”

Taeyong looked back at him horrified. He knew everything. Every damn thing he’d said last night. Every feeling he laid out barer than Jaehyun next to him. He knew what he was doing, the vodka just assisted with the execution. And knowing that...he couldn’t look Jaehyun in the face.

“We didn’t have sex if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jaehyung offered, trying to smile. It neither reached his eyes nor poked into his cheeks. There was nothing either of them could be happy about. Taeyong just shook his head.

“I need to go home,” he managed after a moment, gently prying his wrist free finger by finger until he could cross the room and grab his jeans from the floor.

“I’ll see you next week?”

Taeyong couldn’t. So when they’re slated to meet, to finalize all these sorts of future things with Jaehyun having solidified everything for this opportunity, he asked for a phone call instead.

“This feels ominous,” Jaehyun tried to laugh off the anxiety bubbling up viciously in the pit of his stomach to no avail. He won’t feel good until he could hear Taeyong’s voice tell him _“It’s all okay”_ like he has done so many times for him in the past. But after that night… He knew what was coming, he could just only pray it wouldn’t. A miracle that maybe Taeyong would take it all back and agree to be his. And as it’s only silence stretching further between them he confirmed his fears but still dared to ask “Taeyong?”

Taeyong, in turn, gripped the phone tight enough that the ball chain holding his accessory charms popped open. “Jaehyun…” He said softly, swallowing back every damn feeling that crept around his cold exterior and threatened to pierce through. “Go back to him. You love him. You two share a misunderstanding that’ll be cleared, take your relationship back.”

Jaehyun sat silently. Taeyong was right. Taeyong was always right, especially about matters regarding Jaehyun-- could write a whole Goddamn book about him. He thought about how he had already been through this once and wondered why this country only 587 miles away continued to be the driving force in keeping his relationships apart. He’d messed up before. He hadn’t wanted to mess up now. “But I love you, too.”

“I know you do.” That was never in question. The type of love, though? Debatable. “But the story you and I have...it’s not supposed to end well.”

“Why? Why can’t it Taeyong? What does your poetically cryptic mind see between us that I don’t?”

Taeyong could laugh because Jaehyun now sounded like Johnny. Was he really so cryptic all the time? These words made sense to him. And could he see the future he thought maybe he’d stop being so fucking miserable all the time.

“We’re new flings for old aches; he’s your person. We’re supposed to fuck our problems away at a party until your life straightens itself out. You’re going back to where you’re supposed to be. Take it while you can Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun started to protest but Taeyong pushed on, “Think of it like...fate. Fate is pulling you back to him. So go.”

“Taeyong….” It was really about to happen. They were going break up. Go from lovers to strangers, neither exes nor friends in between because they had never quite nailed down what it meant to hold either of those relationships in the first place. Not before they’d let hot want and heavy desire overcome them. And actually, that was Jaehyun’s fault, wasn’t it? He was only just started to realize it, despite the way Taeyong laid it all out drunkenly that night. He had never given Taeyong the time to even consider becoming friends. Never even tried to connect on the same level where Taeyong knew him so well and could walk him through everything.

“T-taeyong....”

“Jaehyun,” he returned coolly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Perks of ending it on the phone.

“You weren’t just a fling to forget him. If you told me to stay in Korea I would in a heartbeat. And you wouldn’t feel this way. We could stay together.”

“I know Jaehyun. I know.” _Perhaps, had you stayed. But you shouldn’t. You deserve to further your career. You belong in Japan. You belong with him._ He couldn’t say it. And Johnny’s tiny voice of reason that always existed in the back of his head told him he didn’t need to either. This wasn’t the time to validate Jaehyun’s feelings; not when he was continuing to wrestle with his own.

“Now…” His voice trailed a split second crack. Jaehyun remembered when it happened before; just once. Back when he pulled Taeyong into a hot kiss and left him sticky with sweat and, nearly, had he not caught the table last second, cherry cola. When he had been asked to be back again. “Don’t come over anymore. And be happy with Yuta, okay?”

Taeyong hung up. Jaehyun stared at his lockscreen for a long moment. Process...and process fast because he would be moving in a matter of weeks. Yuta would be there. Actually, Yuta was going to be calling him any minute now. Because before he found the confidence to talk to Taeyong, he’d mentioned his visit in passing to Yuta who had messaged him goodnaturedly, and they had made plans to eventually meet and talk through their past. Jaehyun had agreed because he thought he’d moved on for good, because Taeyong told him that their misunderstanding could be healed with words. He realized now his subconscious intentions might not have been that fair. “Fuck,” he breathed out. Taeyong was right. Of course he was; he always was. Taeyong knew Jaehyun better than Jaehyun knew himself most days. Every day. What he would be doing to Taeyong...wouldn’t be fair, would it? At some point in the course of their fun they’d fallen in love and couldn’t admit it until it was too late. Jaehyun knew without a shadow of a doubt he loved Taeyong. He just knew more certainly that he was in love with Yuta. Always had been, always would be.

x

Jaehyun never fully moved back to Seoul and Taeyong never stayed. But one night, when Johnny’s birthday party has beckoned them both back to the city they had inadvertently departed together, they found themselves at the same beer garden in Hongdae.

With a new haircut, a sparkling blonde dye job, and broader shoulders Jaehyun poked once, gently, at Taeyong’s shoulder. “Mind if I sit here?” He asked.

Taeyong shrugged, lifting a hand to wave towards the seat. “By all means.”

“I thought you didn’t drink.”

“I don’t know if I’d call this drinking,” Taeyong laughed lightly, this airy sort of sound that no longer carried the same bitterness he held close to his heart before. He turned his attention back to the long-been-nursed mug between arms resting on the table then pulled it into his hand again and took a sip, grimacing shortly after. “And it hardly counts as beer. It’s grapefruit.”

“Still beer. Still more than I ever saw from you. What a change.”

“It’s been three years Jae, Things are bound to change, don’t you think?”

Jaehyun smiled. As brass and honest (and correct) as ever. “Some things.”

Taeyong smirked, glancing down now to take all those changes in. He noted the hair, the muscles, the fashion sense, and probably most importantly the couple ring on his left hand. “Where’s Yuta at?” He asked easily since his name carried no weight in his heart or on his tongue.

“Meeting up with some other classmates.” Jaehyun returned, a little surprised at the question.

Taeyong nodded. As always, correct as ever. “And you’re doing well? Big name broadcasting station and all that right?”

“How did you know?”

Taeyong chuckled again, eyes creasing with how widely his lips split into a smile. Laughter was his shield but he no longer remained guarded behind it. Now, he was laughing at Jaehyun’s expense and they both knew that, but there was a new light that glistened in his always expressive eyes and something about it beckoned Jaehyun to join in with him.

“We share the same best friend, silly. How else would I know?” He leaned in and raised both eyebrows, “You don’t think I keep up with you do you? I don’t have the time.”

“Speaking of you,” Taeyong didn’t even react, despite this being the biggest difference about Jaehyun. A moment of caring explicitly about Taeyong. He just settled back around his drink and continued to smile. “How about you? How have you been?”

“Fine, just--” Taeyong cut himself off, jumping as thin arms wrapped around his this waist and a chin found its perch on his shoulder.

“Doyoung, you scared me!” Taeyong looked a little flushed and a lot flustered. Jaehyun wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him like this, even in all their time together. The way he looked back with wide, glistening eyes and a half smiling half exasperated expression...more than that, the way he automatically melted into the hold on him, was all so new to Jaehyun.

The taller, raven haired male--Doyoung--chuckled. “Who’s this cutie?” He asked, dark eyes flitting their way up to Jaehyun. Everything about his gaze told the youngest between them that Doyoung knew, he’d just humor them both.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong looked back to the man he’d just introduced but it took him a second, like he didn’t want to will his eyes away from the other. “This is Doyoung. And Doyoung, this is Jaehyun.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jaehyun nodded, smiling slightly.

“Likewise.” Doyoung hummed then turned his attention back to his boyfriend. “You’re still working on that? Jeez darling, it’s been an hour and I want to go.”

“It’s only 11PM. The clubs aren’t even getting started yet.”

Though they bickered, it was obvious that only love was shared between them. And when Doyoung made a grab at Taeyong’s drink to finish it for him, and Taeyong jerked to take it back, Jaehyun finally ( _finally_ ) made notice of something that was strictly Taeyong’s and didn’t also pertain to him. A ring on Taeyong’s left finger. A ring that Doyoung also boasted on his own.

 

Jaehyun stood up then. When Taeyong glanced back with a tilt in his head noticed dimples that he hadn’t seen in what felt like a lifetime. “I’m heading out. Maybe see you at the party Taeyong.” And as he turned he took it all with him--the history, the regret, the lack his own understanding, the foresight and forced encouragement to make the right decision. For both of them. All wrapped up in the book Taeyong wrote for him. All scrawled out in a story he’d never forget.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is part of my National Novel Writing Month fanfic sprint to 50k^^ 
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, on Twitter (@ChibiKadaj), or Curious Cat (https://curiouscat.me/ChibixKadaj) <3


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